Jewel Sheriff Investigating Homecoming Night Explosions

by Ned R. Morrow

The Jewel Sheriff’s Department is investigating what is now a pattern of mystery explosions occurring in the clearing of a cornfield disturbingly close to our own Jewel High School. For the past two years straight explosions and strange lights have been reported prior to Jewel High School’s annual Homecoming Dance in field belonging to local corn grower Alvin Eres.

Sheriff Wayne Curtis Buckner has confirmed that he is personally leading up the investigation. Although this year’s mysterious explosion occurred near the same time as the spectacular display of Northern Lights seen all over Central Indiana, the Sheriff declined to suggest there could be a connection. He did say, however, that the timing of both explosions, coinciding so closely with Jewel High School’s Homecoming celebrations, makes it seem unlikely that these were natural events.

I asked Sheriff Buckner about rumors of crop circles being discovered in the field after the two explosions. His reply: “I didn’t see any crop circles myself, but right now I’m not ruling out anything, from aliens to pranksters to terrorists.” Sheriff Buckner did state that he had contacted the Department of Homeland Security regarding the incidents, but that they apparently have no interest in joining the investigation at this time. “I got the impression they had their own theories as to the cause,” said the Sheriff.  He also indicated that he would follow up on a potential lead related to three strange black cars that were spotted driving through town the day after this year’s incident.

When pressed, Sheriff Buckner admitted that “high school Homecoming hijinks” was probably the most likely explanation, in which case, “These kids need to understand this is not a joke. Next time, someone could get seriously hurt.” He vows to get to the bottom of this matter as quickly as possible.

In the meantime, Alvin Eres, whose home is more than a mile away from the clearing where the two explosions occurred, has made it clear that he is tired  of the damage to his crops and that he is taking matters into his own hand. “Next Homecoming, I’ll be waiting out at that rock with my shotgun,” he pledged.

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